i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
