Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
