sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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