Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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