can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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