sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
