We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
