I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
