His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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