She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
