i don't like sucking hair
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
