So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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