So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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