there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
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