just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
