My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
