So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
