The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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