Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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