yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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