New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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