I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
