Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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