Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
