It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
