Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
