I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
