I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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