I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
