3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize