If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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