yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
