I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
