I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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