I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
