That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
