I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
