her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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