My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
