what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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