we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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