Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
