"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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