It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
