how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Sext me about skeletons
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
