i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just cropdusted the office
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
