That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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