I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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