yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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