Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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