i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
