No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
