I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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