Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
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Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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