Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
there is puke in my bra ... again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
