I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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