she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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