margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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