By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
