Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
