well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
