Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
there's paper in my vomit.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
