Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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