Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
